there’s so much butter in my frosting that even Paula Deen would be appauled
Stay up late and bake (Into the night)
my latest single featuring the sound of me beating frosting and my family’s noise complaints
laugh-til-ya-fart: forevercryingbecausemerlin: glasslightss: andrvw: tumblr has made me completely comfortable w/ some things no one should be comfortable with #incest #serial killers #sentence fragments cannibalism Hailing satan
gloopday: The team team
rock-bomber: rock-bomber: rock-bomber: rock-bomber: Weelee! Weelee… Weelee….. WEELEE
yourendorphine: homophobic participating countries who didn’t show the gay kiss on eurovision must pay a fine because eurovision must be shown from beginning to end without cutting anything out and they are banned from eurovision for the next three years i am crying right now i love you europe
sara-whats-her-face: truckzilla: did you think it was just the performers who dress nicely did you CHOKING
sekretlyserket: theboywhofangirled: SCREW SHAVING DRY THAT WAS THE BEST SHAVE I’VE EVER HAD I’M STOCKING UP ON FIVE THOUSAND CANS OF BARBASOL AND HAVING A CELEBRATORY BONFIRE WHAT COULD GO WRONG
niallhortonhearsawho: a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
A woman’s worst nightmare? That’s pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes...– Mary Dickson [CW: discussion of rape culture and violence] This reminds me of an article about online (heterosexual) dating that I read a while ago. It listed men’s and women’s worst fears about meeting someone from online. The highest ranked fear that men had was that their date would be fat,...
graceebooks: men at large feel like they are being robbed of something when an attractive woman with a 90% chance of developing breast cancer gets a double mastectomy what better illustration of the male sense of sexual entitlement do you need
comedown: i saw a post that said ‘hannibal as a metaphor for capitalism’ and i thought it said ‘hannibal as a metaphor for cannibalism’ and i was like “buddy, have i got news for you”
lizardsfromspace: Here’s a hilarious Helen Keller joke! Do you know what no one saw or heard coming? Helen Keller’s radical socialist activism for the rights of the poor, women, the disabled. And so people ignored and belittled her politics. They argued a deaf, blind person could not know what she was talking about. And so they reduced her to the safe story of a young girl who overcame...
la-meilleure-amie: Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I’m a jerk.
car0line127: kittencas: jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackson: bellatirx: batmansbutt: percybeth: i was going to the bathroom when i’ve been staring at this for like five minutes and i can’t figure out if that’s a toilet or some kind of sink with a lid it looks like a speedboat it’s an ass sink so no one is going to talk about the cat in the ass sink or what OH SHIT THERE IS A CAT IN...
thegayloki: danglingthpider: rabioheab: rabioheab: i hate americans and their stupid fahrenheit temperatures i only made this post in the hopes that someone would reblog it with the caption “don’t fahrenhate” and you’ve all disappointed me greatly don’t be a celsiass its too fahrenlate /scrambles for pun about kelvin nope nothing
1 2 3 4 5
cornchipz: awkwardcontent: Fun fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb the anus forms before any other opening. Which basically means at one point you were nothing but an asshole. some people never develop beyond this stage